SCOTT DOUTHIT

            Right Face. Left Face. Two simple commands, but when the pressure was on and people were watching me, I just couldn’t do it. It was like I was being asked to do calculus—it just wasn't going to happen. When standing in a corner by myself I could figure it out. I could turn left, I could turn right. But marching down the street with the pressure of not screwing up was just like seeing all those letters or numbers in my head: everything jumbled up and went gray. What was wrong with me ?

            The hardest thing  about being dyslexic is the self-doubt. I am in my 60’s and a professional educator, but it doesn't take much for me to wonder that maybe they were right: maybe I am a fake, a liar and a fraud. It's easy for others to judge…  But believing in yourself fully and sincerely is the hard part for me.

            As a child, The Wizard of Oz had a tremendous impact on me. Not because the Wicked Witch scared the poop out of me (which she did); not because flying monkeys were cool (although they were). The Wizard of Oz had such a profound effect on me because of the Wizard himself. I always identified with the Wizard because he could perform great magic tricks and fool people into believing that he had great powers, but if anybody ever peeked behind the curtain, they would discover the truth: a little man with no magical powers whatsoever. A fake, a fraud, a phony.

            No matter how important my job was or how much money I made, I was always worried that one day somebody would look behind my curtain and find out who I really was. 

             I have spent my entire life trying to be who I am now. This is my journey, and for the first time in my life, I am coming Out of the Shadows.

Life’s not worth a damn, Till you can say, “Hey world, I am who I am.”- La CageAux Folles

            I’ve written this book for those who believe they are the only ones who don’t belong and yet don’t know why. I’ve written this book for all those who don’t understand why they cannot do what others can. These are my memories of growing up with dyslexia.